Tech stuff explained colorfully and simply.

What the fuck is MySQL?

MySQL is an acronym, well actually it’s not, it’s a combination of someone’s name, and an acronym. Whatever. Nevermind. Forget that. Let’s start over. We’re being too fucken fancy here with history lessons and shit.

MySQL is a database. Its job is to store information and make it searchable and retrievable. You can think about it like it’s a big spreadsheet almost. It has rows, columns, multiple data formats, etc. But, without a user interface. Programmers build shit on top of MySQL in order for you to access and manipulate the data. For example, when you’re wasting time on Facebook, that’s programming on top of a database like MySQL. MySQL stores all of your useless status updates.

MySQL also has a form of programming and automation inside of it. These are referred to as stored procedures and triggers respectively.

This is another one of those tools that you can know enough about, but just enough to be dangerous. There are whole disciplines related to using and managing MySQL in the most efficient way. It’s common, though, to find programmers who say they know this shit, but really they know just enough to fuck it up and slow down the app.

MySQL is part of the LAMP Stack.